two weeks

Bullet and I one morning when I stayed home with him...one of my favorite pictures.

It's hard to believe it's been only two weeks since we said goodbye to our sweet baby Bullet. I still catch myself thinking "I wonder when Bullet's going to bark and tell us he's up from his nap & ready to play" or wake up in the morning and lay there thinking "Yay! I get to see his little face before I start school" and then a spilt second later remember he's gone. And I'll never get to experience that again. Then I cry and that's just not the way I like to start my day. Sad. 

Clark started volunteering at the humane society this week. He loves it. He loves puppies period.  He misses having a dog so much, and this is a great way for him to get volunteer hours and just PLAY with the puppies. Not having to be their sole caretaker is just what he needs because Bullet required SO MUCH attention since he was sick it was hard to enjoy him sometimes. It's hard to say since he was sick and neither he or us could help the way he acted but the truth is hard sometimes.

 He loves to tell me about how much fun he had, but that's not part of my healing process. I cry every single time I see another dog. I need time...I've always been like that. I'm a thinker, and I have to think things over. That's why I didn't really get emotional until we buried him...I didn't think about it until I had to. And then I couldn't (and still can't) think it through enough.

Time. It takes time. Until then, I'll look at pictures of him when he was tiny enough to pick up with one hand and remember the times before he was symptomatic (he was always sick...from the first day we got him. multiple birth defects that didn't resolve themselves but got worse as he grew).

I know I promised no more sad posts. But I had to write it out. This is part of my healing process: to write it out too. Thanks for being there readers. I am so grateful for this space  to write because I stink at journal but can type a mile a minute.

I better stop writing before I get SO sappy I make myself sick ha.